Hello mamas out there , so maybe some advice on the next step. I have a 6 month old (third child with my bf of ten years) a 6 year old and 8 year old. I recently found out in February after my birthday my bf was cheating on me. He has been talking to some girl (he is self employed and has small jobs he picks up) at a job site and they had intimate relationship back last year in the summer. He then kept in contact with her because he wanted to keep seeing her. Idk if maybe she did or not because their conversations cut off at some point in November. And I’m the meantime he is trying to meet up with girls through a date app. He then goes out his way to have a fake phone app to talk them… and even tries to meet up with them ( during my birthday week). Overall… I am upset, heartbroken and so full with emotions, it’s hard to explain… I see this amazing father who I’ve told myself over and over the that maybe I’m doing something wrong. That maybe he will propose soon after ten hard years of ups and downs, or that maybe he doesn’t love me , only to find out this… and he still has the nerve to say he loves me, he’s sorry , he doesn’t know why he did it. He is wrong and he wants to work things out… all in alll I have ant nothing to do with him. I’m so broken at the fact that I see my whole future just disappear. Our family. Our plans. And I hate to be the one to make it difficult on my kids since I have a new born. It’s already hard as it is. Managing work, two preschool kids, and on top a baby… I dk if I’m in the wrong for splitting us up because the kids ask why we don’t do things together or if I should push my feelings aside and coparent while living together for the best of my kids.
Leave momma! Staying in a household just to coparent with him will become toxic because of what he’s done to you. Your kids are better off not seeing that! They need a happy and healthy mother Please, please don’t stay. I’m sure it’s hard, but your kids will understand as they get older. You have to let them be upset and feel their feelings, they will go through this and so will you & also… he does know why he did it babe! I believe he’s sorry, but he knows why he did it and honey pleasseeee listen when I say he will do it again! I hope you find some peace in all of this Give your babies some extra lovings, (that’s just an excuse for you to get their lovings instead )
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. My boyfriend cheated...what should I do?
him to the curb!
leave him. and let’s get one thing straight here… you are not splitting you guys up, he split you up when he decided to go off and cheat. living together will not be good for the kids, people think it will but it’s never the right thing to do. the right thing to do for every single person involved is to leave.
One thing i learned is staying for the kids just makes it worse for them. They will understand why you left in due time and it will be better for them to see you happy then settling for scum
Be done!! No more chances. You’re better than this!
Leave. Itll never stop
Leave . While you have the strength and determination.
I stayed, and he cheated again.
Leave his sorry ass!!!
Why do women question themselves? Is his fault he cheated.
Stop playing. You already know what you have to do. You don’t need our advice, your intuition has already told you. Stay strong my sista. Do no harm but take no shit.
Hes just going to get sneakier. Plan your exit. Seriously. It wont work
You’re setting the example for your children of what is and isn’t right.
You deserve better and so do they.
I’d say, call for a “break” and see what he does. His actions during your “break” will be proof enough if he’s worth keeping around.
It’s not your fault. You deserve better than this.
Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I say leave, you are better without him.
Leave. You don’t want to stay with someone you can’t trust or anything. You’re always going to wonder.
You are not the reason for his selfishness and cheating. Splitting the family is a direct result of his actions. No one deserves that! And I think leaving would be much healthier for the kids, than being in an environment with both parents where there are negative feelings. You’re allowed to be mad at him, this is his own doing. Good luck
Sounds like a very intense situation. I wish you all the best.
Good thing you didn’t marry this guy. If he proposes and marries you it won’t change, but it will only get worse. You did nothing wrong and you won’t be wrong for how you decide to go about things. He did this
A man is only going to do what you allow
Your worth more than that
Your with a narcissist leave while you can and stand your ground when he is crying for you to come back.
He will still cheat. I would leave him
You don’t deserve that . Do what’s best for you and you kids and leave . You gotta be happy to make your kids happy. Stay strong.
Kick him to the curb. No no
I think you should sit back and ask yourself if this is a situation you would want your kids in. And if you would want them to stay despite them breaking more and more each day. Becoming numb to your own feelings.
It’s not the first time…
& it won’t be the last time…
So it’s up to you what you want to do…
It’s really up to you. Everyone has their own hard limits and for me personally cheating is a deal breaker. I couldn’t be happy and mentally sane in a relationship where my partner had cheated on me. So for me I would leave and never look back. But it’s really up to the two of you to decide and figure that all out.
I’m so sorry… this is something only you can answer. All I can say it that it would be time for me to leave
You aren’t wrong and your kids will be happier in the long run
Leave! Believe me!!! Do it! Please! I know it will be hard but you are worth so much more and someone else can and will love you AND YOUR KIDS! Leave…
No matter what you will always have to co parent. Try and be civil well around the kids and you should seek therapy.
He needs too figure out why he has done what he did. This isn’t your fault
It’s time to leave sister. Your babies do not want to grow up and see their mama treated like this and sad all the time. And you deserve so much better, don’t waste your life worrying if or when he’s going to hurt you again bc he will. Praying for you and your babies
After a few years, if he hasn’t proposed, he probably doesn’t plan to. I’m sorry you’re going through this. You should make an exit plan, as you deserve better.
Let ,him Go. You’re ENOUGH obviously he is NOT…
You are not responsible for his cheating behavior.If he has not proposed in 10 years he will not do it at all , so you should stop waiting for it . He clearly doesn’t love you , you can have the future you want without him, your life , future , dreams and happiness should not revolve around him. You are the owner of your life.
If you already ended the relationship you should not be living together because your healing process will be longer and more painful.
You can still co parent and of course you can still doing things together with the kids without been a couple.
I know that he is responsible for the broken family but keep the kids out of the mess as much as you can.
I cant even stand to read it sounds like your just a back up girl if things dont work out with others he expects to have you around kick him to the curb thats not love
Every time you see him I promise it’s all you will think of. Move on and find someone who will treat you like an actual human. I’ve met people that have made a bigger impact in my life that I’ve known for 8 months than I’ve had over 5 years. Trust
I’d get couples counseling first to get everything out in the open—including why he went looking for a side piece. That way you have all the info to decide to stick it out (and find out why there’s no marriage—him, you or both reluctant?), leave ASAP, or take it slowly until you can get your bearings and figure out how to live as a single mom. If he’s a good dad, he should be a good co-parent though.
Sending hugs & wishing you the best, however things turn out.
Throw his lying cheating ass out to the curb
If you’re gonna stay with him, you’ll need to accept the fact he is cheating on you and will continue to do so. I promise, he isn’t going to stop. If it were.me, I’d leave him.
I am in no way condoning him cheating on you, but he may need to do some self reflecting and figure out why he’s a serial cheater. Maybe he would benefit from a polyamorous relationship. His choices are not a reflection of you. You’re not doing anything wrong. He’s the one consciously stepping out. I hope the two of you are able to figure out what’s best for the both of you individually. Your mental health and happiness is just as important for your kids as it is you. Sending good vibes!
Leave him U & your kids deserve better than that.
It’s not gonna get any better.
Sorry but think about what you don’t know
Sounds like a narcissist, he knows what he’s doing and why, his ego boost and no concern for your feelings, it’s hard to leave but possible, I did it with my youngest 2 only being 18 months apart and I’m 5 years out and we’re all so much happier
That’s not your boyfriend then… That’s more like it intermittent baby daddy… And you’re asking what you should do? That’s a whole problem ma’am the reason why it continues is because you haven’t done anything about it so he has no reason to stop and just being heartbroken and upset it’s not going to change anything what you allow will continue and if you decide to stick around and he continues with one woman or various women what have you that’s gonna be on you and I wouldn’t want my daughters to be treated that way by a man therefore I wouldn’t allow myself to be treated that way
Do not stay with someone for the kids it will be toxic for them. Leaving is the right thing to do. The children will soon get used to it and the new routine. Remember you didn’t break your family up HE did the moment he made the choice to disrespect and cheat. I’m sorry you’re going through this x
Your mental health, happiness and wellness is just as important. How can you look after your babies if you continue to stay in a broken, toxic place. They will grow up seeing their Mama so unhappy. They deserve a strong you, and YOU DESERVE A STRONG YOU.
You will come out on top, I promise. One day at a time.
A man can be a great father and a shit partner. Why would you want to marry a man that cheats. You deserve better. Leave his ass but respect that he is a good father and create a fair custody arrangement.
Co parent with him but find someone that will make you happy, feel respected & loved.
You need to leave. His blown both the 2 chance’s.
1 by cheating &
2 by having a Dating app. Trying to meet people. Nope get rid of him don’t stay because of you’re kids you will only HURT YOURSELF TRUST ME
10 yrs? Girl, leave. Toxic.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. After 10 years together and 3 kids you deserve much more respect than he is showing you. If this was a one off drunken incident and everything else was great between you both i would say maybe give him another chance. But you say he’s still been trying to meet up with other girls through a date app. This man is clearly not invested in a faithful relationship and I think your gut instinct to split up is the right one. And don’t be saying you are the one splitting the family up - he did that the minute he cheated on you. I know it must be heartbreaking to see the future you thought was ahead of you disappear. But believe me this man is not invested in that future. He can continue to be an amazing father to your children but I think trying to co parent while living together is likely to be a disaster. The kids will pick up on your unhappiness and it won’t be a happy home for them. It will be hard but you can do this on your own. Sending you hugs x
It’s up to you what you do Hun. Just whatever you decide remember is this how you want your kids to learn what love is and they need a Mum who loves herself and knows her worth. I know couples who have stayed together after an affair and made it work. I also know some who haven’t. The ones who haven’t have scarred their kids for life.
Honey, I don’t think he’s going to stop cheating and marry you. It sounds like a bad idea to marry him. Of course he wants you to stay around. You take care of the house and his kids are where he can have daily contact. That’s called having your cake and eating it too. You can’t do that. You’re going to have to either kick him out or pack up yourself and the kids and leave. He doesn’t deserve any of you. Go out on your own, bond with your kids and make the best life you can. Don’t try to get with anybody else. If you do decide to date, don’t let the guys meet your kids unless you meet someone that you know is going to be permanent. Don’t let the kids have a chance to get attached to someone only to have them gone again. That’s hard on children. Besides, someone who isn’t partner material could possibly mistreat the kids. Play it smart.
Why would you continue to have children with a man that wont marry you and why would you consider staying with a man that dishonors and disrespects you? Your first step is to get some professional counseling to find put what is making you feel you do not deserve better than this.
Message me personally if you want. I just went through a similar situation just back in February! I’m here if you need advice!
Don’t stay with him but co parent with what’s healthy for you and kids
As soon as he gets back comfortable he may stray away again
But I feel he won’t if you truly let him off the hook and don’t harp on it and use it as a weapon it’s your fate if you really want him ask yourself do you trust him and there is your true answer can you trust him again can he gain your trust it depends if you both are truly working towards being a team
You already know what you should do. He’s already shown you what he thinks about your relationship and he obviously has no respect for you either. You deserve better than that and so do your children.
You need to leave. You and your kiddos deserve better. Sorry love.
Your better off with out him
Being separate is what is best for your kids. Don’t teach them that forcing a relationship is ever okay. they will know you’re unhappy.
Co parent… I was in your shoes back in 2016. I forgave him so many more times since. Now I think back I should have just left with my kids & moved on. He would be happy with whomever he wants, and I would be happier now. Instead I am sitting here thinking how do I tell him I want a divorce because I have caught him Yet Again. Best to get on with your life, you will be better off. Start getting your ducks in a row while you can before it’s too late. (We were on our 11th year together in 2016)
Leave get your own place. Move on show your kids what healthy co parenting separately is not disrespect yourself by staying that’s not a good message to send to the kids
- Id get therapy- he’s treating you like a doormat, convince whatever you wanna call it- theres a piece of your past that you havent healed from.
- You allow this behavior by not leaving or coming up with another solution.
- He’s not gonna marry you its been 10 years- its not you he has playboy written all over him.
Talk to the people on Facebook
A story as old as time…girl, he does not love you. He doesn’t deserve you. Finding happiness is the best thing you can do for your children. You probably won’t listen to any advice because you have made up your mind that you can stick it out for the kids…or it won’t be that bad. You will end up resenting yourself and him. Real love makes being faithful easy
Leave him only had to read the first line !
I just read the first three words…. RUN as fast as you can…. You don’t need that shit because let me tell you…. a leopard never changes it’s spots.
You’ve been together over a decade and he hasn’t married you odds are he never will if he’s cheating on you again it’s only because you allowed it before and he had no consequences obviously he will continue to do these things because you allow it you’re going to have to value yourself value your children cut him off and get your life going without him he’s going nowhere except for where he wants to go and it’s not with you
You deserve better
If you wanna keep getting cheated on go back to him! I wouldn’t because then you teach your daughter to accept BS MEN… DONT GO BACK
10 years and 3 kids… He still hasnt proposed… And cheating on you… He could still be the greatest dad in the world (which i doubt since he treats his kids mom so disrespectfully), and co parent your kids without you being together… If truly loved you he would never cheat and would have married you 10 years ago…
Girl. He cannot be a good father if he’s not a good partner first.
Start figuring out anew and better plan that doesn’t include someone who doesn’t love or respect you. Contact a lawyer, get to your doctor to be tested, find a place if necessary, get a job and childcare aligned if needed. You aren’t in the wrong at all, he did all the wrong. You are just following through with your boundaries and enforcing consequences. The kids are going to suffer living in that type of toxic situation. Get yourself a therapist too!
So you want to stay to teach your kids that’s what love, respect and honesty is?
I don’t think you should be raising kids if you think this is a normal way to raise them. You had 3 kids with a man who didn’t want you to be his wife, why?
Girl, leave, get counseling, get some self esteem and raise your kids better than that BS he’s selling you.
Screw that ,make sure to get yourself checked out. And move on because he will keep doing it.
First off. Only YOU and HIM can decide how you move on from this—IF you can. Very few can but you are not exempt from that. 2nd, it is NOT an NEVER your “fault” or guilt to carry for “breaking” your unit up/apart. Kids that young are extremely resilient and will benefit in the long run if you you and dad cannot be copacetic and coparent as a unified/domestic couple. The kids will respect you and love you and understand through the up’s and downs and misunderstandings and confusion during all stages of their youth. Ultimately—you’ll be a strong Mum who did what was best and put herself and those babies FIRST! Never feel guilty for a man’s misdoings/mistakes or just rotten, self centered actions when you’re doing what’s right and best for you and those babes. Best of luck to you. I’m so sorry for this. If you and the Dad are 30ish and under—my best recommendation for I won’t deny his love for you and his family despite his inhibitions and immature actions…is to walk away and keep being amazing and a good mum and see where he finds himself in 2-3 years. Sometimes, (most times) men need more time than women to figure it all out. Most times they love life regretful and kicking themselves for a one night/one month fling over a great family with a great momma and woman to come home to
Some people are great parents, shitty partners. So let him be a great father and an ex boyfriend.
No comment lol I said something earlier n got a warning I will be banned for my opinion
This too shall pass. Pick your head up and focus on your kids. Don’t let anybody tell you what to do at end of the day you have to make your own choices.
Hate to be the one to make it difficult on ur kids???
Don’t lose sight that it was HIM that did that…
And he is only sorry he got caught… before that he was trying to live the single life…
Take time for urself… u need time to process everything that’s happened… life is way too short to settle for less than ‘u’ deserve… step back from him and try to heal a little before u make any decisions… but don’t let him think that he can ever have his cake and eat it again. Scummy father and partner… despicable behaviour
Ok… YOU are not splitting yall up, he is. That is number 1. Number 2 is… He can still be an awesome dad but a horrible partner. Im not sure of yalls age but he may not be ready for a “family” situation right now and thats fine. What is not fine is what he is doing to you. You are worth more than you think. Talk to him. Tell him you know what is going on. You deserve better.
Sadly it’s a case of why buy the cow when you can get the milk free…once a cheater always a cheater. If he feels the first one was OK with you he’s gonna just keep going…you have to decide how to play this…you will never trust him again…the first 10 years are hell. That’s when you work on figuring out the best ways to coexist…now if he’s out whoring around with multiples you’re risking your health, and the health of your children. Counseling may help if you want to keep things together. It does suck if he’s a good dad (rare) … fix s room for yourself…or twin beds in master brm…make him go to dr for blood work…you’ve got more than HIV/Aids, chlamydia, syphilis…
What would you say if your daughter asked this?
Leave and enjoy your life
Never do anything that makes you unhappy your children will be able to pick up on that.
You have done nothing wrong
Girl you may not want to hear this but my mom was in a relationship for 10 years, he cheated throughout, she stayed. He was abusive and would then cry “it’ll ruin my career” each time she would attempt to press charges, she always dropped them. He said one day they might have a kid together (he had a vasectomy) and get it reversed when the time came, he never did. When they broke up he dated this other woman for maybe a year and then they got married. If he wanted to he would. Don’t torture yourself with the hopes of one day. You’ll waste your life hoping he changes
it’s better to show your kids that you are happy and alone. then for them to see you miserable together. don’t make excuses for him you and your kids will be ok… I’m sure you have immidiate family that can help support you? Don’t make the same mistake again. know your worth… I’m now a Happy wife & mother of 3 been with my man, going on 14years this month. before that I was wasting time with someone just like your BD. cheater, liar, manipulator. Girl, just leave. I know it’s easier said then done but trust me theirs so much more out there for you
You didn’t split y’all up he did. Seems like this is a reoccurring thing. You’re teaching your kids to take it and that what he is doing to you is love. It isn’t. He does know why he did it. Know that you deserve better. He can still be a great father and crappy partner. I say cut your losses before anymore time is wasted on this guy. Focus on you and your children. Find you, learn to love yourself. Along the way you’ll find someone genuine. Just be patient and don’t throw yourself at every man that gives attention. Not all attention is good attention. Believe red flags from get-go. Anyway, in the end it’s your choice.
leave Him And Learn to Co-parent in different houses. you Deserve Better. teach Ur Kids This Isn’t The Behaviour you allow.
If he can’t commit after 3 kids and 10 years, it’s him. Leave him now. You deserve so much better.
He will NEVER propose. Do not keep getting in deeper and deeper. I am sorry you are going through this, but get on birth-control, slap that man-child with an order for
child support and let him be someone else’s anchor!!! You don need anything weighing you down…
Should this even be a question?
If he cheated, LEAVE.
LEAVE and hold your head high not your fault hes a player and never will marry you and be faithful
Be happy with your kids alone you don’t need no man! X
Once a cheater, always a cheater
An amazing father does not mean an amazing partner.
You need to leave him. He needs therapy.
This isn’t normal or right in any way. You deserve better!
I stayed with a cheat for 11yrs never change once a cheat always expecially if yhey get away with it we have 6 children I was pregnant when I walked he slept with my best friend so I left
Imagine if you were cheating? Would he take you back? Move accordingly. You didn’t do anything wrong. Co parent and leave rhe redr or God. Because if you cheated on him, he would have thrown you to the curb. Focus on yourself and kids.
I think your in the right to separate. He obviously dose not love you, at the vary least he dosent value your relationship or respect you. And there is nothing wrong with separation. My bbd (we have 3 together) did all the same stuff. I fought for 4 years to keep us together, to work through it. He never changed. I left 3 years ago. Best decision I ever made. For myself and my children. Yes they asked why we didn’t do things together. And yes its hard. But eventually hopefully you can get to a point where you can co-parent well for your children. That takes time. It took us (him) about a year to figure out how to get along and to just put our differences aside for the kids. There are still things we but heads over. But for the most part we co parent well. And we never would have worked together. My kids are happy I am happy. Do what you need to for your mental health and the rest will fall into place.
I totally understand your pain. However, staying for the children will make the children more miserable and you don’t want to teach them that is okay to grow in a toxic environment, specially seeing mommy struggle and unhappy with their dad. Your peace of mind comes first in order to take care of them children. Think about you and create a plan on how you gonna make this. He is irrelevant at this point and he needs to take care of his children to not only you. He ain’t going to change.