She took care of you, be thankful you have her still. Let her do as she please she deserves it. She is your guest. That’s what you do when they come to your house.
Guests in your home should be treated as guests. It’s really quite simple.
1 Like
I was always thought to be a good house guest, even if it was just dinner. That being said, I was also taught to be a good hostess and don’t mind doing all the work for a family dinner. If your MIL is staying over night she defiantly should be a better house guest and help out. You could always ask her to help with dinner, or something.
She is playing with her granddaughter, making memories. My parents stayed with me three months out of the year, never expected them to do anything except enjoy our company.
She is there to see her grandchildren not be your maid, get over it and be thankful you have a mother in law that actually comes around
2 Likes
A guest is a guest. I would EXPECT my dad to do as she does. he is a guest, he is my elder and most of all… he is my DAD. I would expect the same from my husband’s parent.
I love this thread. Love my MIL to pieces and treat her like the queen that she is when she’s in our home and when we take her out. We don’t let her lift a finger. We’re just happy to still have her in our lives. Her smile is infectious and the joy she has just from seeing us and her grandbabies is all we need. 
I would wait on mine if she came over. There is plenty of times holidays and others where she has waited on the whole family . My house, my guest especially an elder deserves a break and to be waited on. Also cannot count the times they have watched the kids for us or helped in other ways. I think it’s a form of respect.
I was always brought up if you are a guest you help
I would never expect my invited quest to do anything. I won’t say no if they offer help.
1 Like
She “raised” your husband to be the man he is. At least you can give her respect and appreciate her wanting to play with your daughter (her grandbaby). I would take that as a little break to have someone to watch and play with my kids.
I would just be happy she was entertaining the grand babies and I could get stuff done. Sit down relax play with the babies I got everything else please. They are there to visit and be a guest in your home. If you don’t want the clean up and cooking go out to eat.
I guess leaving a plate in the table is rude but would you expect any other guest to make their own meal or wash dishes? Unless she comes overs multiple times a week… then that’s def over kill. She could help out
Well if you invite someone to stay at your house that is the hospitable thing to do. You’re supposed to make people feel at home but it is also your responsibility to be a host. Now if she just went in your kitchen and started cooking and doing whatever she wants when she came you would have a problem with that. That’s your job as a host PERIOD
Hmmm… I guess im the odd man out here. I think its rude to not help your hostess whether you’re the MIL or not. Help out. It’s the right thing to do. Offer at least. I would suggest you invite her into the kitchen to cook with you. Cooking, chopping, cutting e.t.c…is great bonding time. Maybe that’s what’s missing: bonding girl time and she feels awkward to even be in your kitchen.
1 Like
I was raised to treat guests in my home like royalty. I never expect them to do anything. Enjoy my hospitality.
Well if she is a invited guest #1 then I see no issue. #2 she is your mil. #3 you state she plays with your kiddos as you clean up after. I really see no issue. She’s a quest and is not obligated. Secondly she raised your husband probably other kids and from the sounds of has a good relationship with your kids her grandbabies. So wow. I think your kinda being a witch
If my mom and dad come over, I do the cooking, cleaning, prepping before and after…mom does it all normally, and my dad lets her do her thing…it’s a treat to have some cook for you, when you do it for the last 60 years
You need to grow up.Your expectations are to high.Dont expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed.
Umm I do this for anyone when they are a guest at my house. And do this also for my mother in law even my mom.
Isn’t she there to visit and play with your child? I would never expect my MIL to clean up after we invited her to dinner.
At my house and in my family at anybody’s house my mom’s my aunt’s my cousin’s whoever we are at all the women always get up and help clean up the kitchen. Of course everybody takes their plate to the sink or the trash but as far as getting everything else cleaned up we all work together as a team. I think it depends on how you’re raised. Or maybe she just wanting to spend time with the grandkids? I like my dishwasher loaded a certain way so I would like it if my mother-in-law would sit down and play with the kids. I guess it’s all a preference. She won’t be on this Earth forever so I guess enjoy her while she’s here. Best of luck to you.
This… this is normal is it not? I dont do this at other peoples houses, like I’d watch their kids if their cooking or offer to help cook if they dont have kids. And I clean up my own plate afterwards. But at my house i just expect my guests to relax and then anything above that is just polite and helpful.
I’m sorry but all that u describe is my mom and she gets to be treated this way in my home and in my children’s home cause I taught them to do so. When she tries to help I let her know to please relax and don’t worry.
Sorry I don’t agree with everyone. Unfortunately I happen to have the hag of all mother-in-law‘s. My advice would be, if she wants something let her get up and get her damn self you’re not running a hotel she is not your child yes she’s a guest which will allow her to come and see your children but no you are not her slave and the sooner you let her know and put boundaries, the sooner she’ll get it. otherwise if you’re not gonna say anything be prepared to wait on her hand and foot until the day she dies
Wow that’s your mother in-law respect you elders, she has already done her part let that woman relax and feel comfortable in your home
That’s bull she is your mom in law and should not be lifting a hand what so ever she has been doing that her hole life to raise the man you married to today so stop being selfish and do your job as hostess and let her relax .
Be thankful she occupies your time with your daughter. If she doesn’t live near it is as much of a treat for her as you. I know it is hard to see but maybe let the dishes wait, order in, something to make it easier on everyone.
She may thing if she helps she is messing up your way of doing things and doesn’t want to offend or overstep your bounties.
As long as she’s not blatantly rude and disrespectful towards you then I don’t see a problem. Now if she’s a nightmare of a person to you and also expects extreme hospitality from you then I could justify being upset.
I don’t let my guests do anything. They’re guests for a reason. If they offer, its completely different. 
Why are you expecting a guest to do anything though? They should yes but they shouldn’t be expected to
When my mom would go over my married sisters house, she would do all the cooking, which I thought was appalling. My sister should not have let/made my mother do ANYTHING! It was disgraceful.
My question is how do you have someone over to your house for a meal then get upset that they don’t cook the meal and clean the dishes afterwards? Talking about “every time we have them over…” that means she’s a guest! It’s not her house! If you’re inviting her over expecting her to cook and clean you better be paying her the same as you would any personal chef and maid. Family or no family, if you have someone over to your house for a meal they are not obligated to do a thing. If they choose to help, that’s great, but they’re not wrong if they don’t. Smh.
If she’s company treat her like company… Would you put your friends to work when they come over…: and it’s not like she’s not helping at all you said she was playing with your daughter… A.k.a. her grandchild… No better babysitter than a grandparent
I feel like she’s doing what she should be doing. I don’t expect guests to do anything. Offer if they want.
Let her be. She is a quest, correct? Lol I do not even want my mother in law helping with that stuff anyway…it us is my house?
Well if you invited her over for the meal she shouldn’t be cooking or cleaning your house
Mothers and mil do so much,for their families, she should sit back ,if your a mother you really should understand this
I see nothing wrong with the Mil. When my children come for dinner I do not expect them to help. I want them to relax, enjoy each other’s company, and let me take care of them, same when I am invited to their home. My dear you need to calm down she is a guest in your home.
Seems a little selfish of you to “host” someone at your house and then expect them to help cook/clean up
My mom always helps, and my sister pitches in. I don’t ask them to, they just do. When my FIL was alive, I always helped him (cooking/cleaning). When I go to a friend’s house, I pitch in. It’s a courtesy. You’re not at a restaurant to be waited on hand and foot.
I guess the question for me would be, is she there only long enough for a meal? (Does she eat and ruin?) Or is she there for a few hours? Time restraints make a difference.
Is she eating there every night? Staying a month? A week? Or just coming over occasionally? I am old fashioned I guess because unless she is there for an extended period of time, more than a week, or quite frequently, then my guest are not required to help cook and clean. Offers are greatly appreciated and accepted most of the time, especially with clean up. But it really sounds like you are just an over worked mommie already that needs your husband to show you some appreciation, not his mom.
If my mother in law was still here. She would never be expected to lift a finger in my home.
I agree your not the maid and it is rude of her to expect to be waited on like that.
Have you talked with your other half about this situation? How do they feel about it? Is it “ expected of you to do these things?
My mother always told us If you were invited somewhere & not told to bring something at least bring a dessert to show you are thankful for the invite. If you go to someone’s house and were then invited to stay for a meal you should offer to clean up.
I never go to my adult children’s house and “ expect “ to be waited on. If it’s a holiday time & one is my kids is making the meal I chip in for the food, I will make or bring a dessert, help supply paper plates or other items to make clean up easy on the host & hostess. There are times I will stay at their houses and make breakfast just to give them a little extra sleep time.
I only will not do anything if I am told to sit and enjoy time with the kids. It’s called respect. At least make the offer of help even if told no help is needed.
She is family. If she has been there more than once she should help herself.
How often does she come over? If it’s just once a week then let it slide. If it’s 3 times a week then tell her, “Look. This is too much. I got a family…” Something. Come up with something. In my opinion it’s about how much energy you are willing to exert. Also, does she like, treat you poorly? Because if she did THAT then I’d be putting the smack down for sure.
Really? She is a guest, you don’t ask guests to help if you invited her over!
1 Like
It’s pretty normal. Your MIL is your guest and not your servant. Since you’re the host, you are the owner of the house and you have a guest, I guess it’s right that you serve her and let her be a guest.
Well I never had that problem with either one of my husband’s people cause no one ever ate at our house, but I would be asked to come to see them and cook while I was there:grin:
clean up and everything sometimes furnish the food too
If she wont order me around, I would rather she sits down even for a year and play with the kids.
When i invite i cook and clean dont matter who it is i dont like no one helping me i love to sever the food to and clean up after. The only think i like my guest to enjoy!!
Engage her to help by asking her to make one of her favorite dishes in your kitchen. At clean up time ask her to keep you company while you clean up. If she likes to play with your daughter and your daughter is old enough to help you in the kitchen then get her involved too. Your MIL does this because you allow it.
Grow up! She is your husband’s mother. Be respectful. She has spent a lifetime waiting on her son.
My mindset and yours must be opposite. That is exactly what i need from my MIL. Allow me to host you, but she wants to stress herself. Don’t sweep, she will want to sweep despite her back pain. I feel good, happy and incharge of my matrimonial home being the star host. Getting your hot water in the flask or for bathe, and lots of other things makes me the queen of my home. My MIL as a guest is cool other than her words atimes. Be my guest! No intrusion nor indirect insult in my home, you will recieve so much hospitality and respect from me.
She’s a GUEST in YOUR home. What else is she supposed to do. Just because she’s your mil doesnt give you the right to expect a guest to help.
I would never expect a guest in my own house to clean up after themselves if they do that’s a plus!
Why would you not call her to dinner, take her plate, and clean up, she is a guest right? It would be different if she lived with you all. But she is there to visit and spend time with her grandbabies!
Umm this doesnt sound like your waiting on her hand and foot it sounds like your making dinner and cleaning up while she entertains your child… what’s wrong with that? When you go to her house does she expect you to cook and clean?
I don’t know if you’re in the South or not but here in the South it’s rude for your mother-in-law to cook in your kitchen or do anything in your kitchen for that matter sorry for the punctuation speaking to text
This is silly. When My mom and I lived in the same state and city, I invited her over all the time. She would offer to help and I would say no. Whenever my husband and I were invited to dinner at our friends house, We would always take something a food dish, wine, pie something. Then I would always offer to help with dinner and would wash dishes too. I never felt it was rude. I was invited and I should help. As for my mom, If I needed the help, I accepted. Nothing wrong with helping or offering. Just plain rude not to.
At least she’s visiting. I have a couple grandmas that have nothing to do with the kids. So what you’re cleaning her plate and making food at YOUR house. Enjoy these moments because she won’t be around forever and your daughter needs time with gma.
P.s. if it weren’t for her you wouldnt have him! All that you are doing she did to get him to be the man and father he is today. Stop sweating the stuff your mother did for your grandmother and so on
She is at your home. You shouldn’t expect her to do anything, she is a guest. The only thing you should expect her to do is play with her grandchild. Sounds like you dont like her, the way you speak of her says it all.
I would be relieved that she is playing with the kids to give me a break. I’m sorry I don’t see the problem isn’t she a guest
I would never expect a dinner guest to help. Lucky you that she entertains your daughter.
1 Like
Shouldn’t Mother-in-Law get to be the guest some time in life. Women are constantly working. An afternoon off-duty should be okay.
I can’t stop my Mom or Step-Mom from helping me do anything. Sometimes I’m irritated things aren’t getting done my way, and sometimes I just let them go. Put my hands up. I give up. Take over Mom/s 
She is a guest and an honorary one at that. Let her sit back and enjoy her time with her grandbabies. Get over it!! That’s what hosting is all about.
Shoot she plays with your kids doesn’t interfere and tell you how to run your household, AND raised you a respectable husband who helps you? Yet you’re ungrateful about her wanting to relax? She deserves to be pampered a little momma. You should count your blessings and be happy that she doesn’t undermine your authority with your children. Be happy that she cooked cleaned and cared for your husband well enough that hes a loving man in your home who treats you with respect and doesn’t hurt you mentally or physically then still take his side.
There are many ladies in this group who are living a much harder life than waiting on their mother in laws. Again. Count your blessings.
You sound as if you could also be a daughter in law from hell. You should cherish the woman who raised your husband, and further more a grandma who loves spending time with your daughter. I,m just thanking god he never sent you my way. Give yourself a reality check girl.
She’s done her time, it is time for her to chill with the littles and let younger folks handle the mess in their own homes. Sounds like you just don’t like her.
First of all, helping with dinner…she can play with the kiddos. HOWEVER, I’m not a damn maid and she can AT LEAST clear her own plate.
1 Like
She just getting even for her son sitting on his butt all those years while she cooked and cleaned
1 Like
I agree let it be. She is a guest, not your live-in maid. If you dont want to cater to her, tell her that she needs to go to a motel. Always go out to eat with her.
I’m not sure you can change that now since it’s been allowed to continue. Me, I wold just wait on her let her enjoy grandchild time. She won’t be here forever.
I typically don’t make my guests help cook or clean.
1 Like
I agree… she’s done her fair share… she’s entitled to relax. Its your house, not hers… its your privilege to host her or any other guest you have at your home… she’s probably being really respectful by not taking over your household…
Maybe she feels like a guest more then a relative. Maybe she is trying to not make you feel like she is infringing on your territory and trying to show some respect. That is a lot better then my last in-laws who nosed into every drawer, cabinet and room. You are lucky
I don’t recall a time that I’ve gotten mad at my guests for not chipping in and helping around my house.
I wonder how the husband feels about this? I would be upset if my mother was treated this way.
Let her sit back and relax and enjoy the grand daughter she should not be expected to do anything at your home she is your guest
I was raised differently my grandma taught me if you are at someone’s house you help plain and simple it’s a sign of respect.
She is your guest and your MIL more reason she should sit back and relax. Im sure she did it for hers as well. My MIL passed away not long after I was married and I would give anything to be able to have her over for dinner.
Well technically she’s a guest and we should expect guests to help with that sort of thing. But I do get where you are coming from. She’s your mother in law. Preparing meals and things of that sort, should be used as a bonding time between you two.
Poor mother in laws can’t do anything right. Most girls complain because they want to help and they don’t like how she does it. Be nice. If you want her to do something ask her if she would mind doing it. There is nothing any better than having a second mother. Love her and try hard to get along.
She’s playing with her grandchild. I’ve never had an in law do anything while visiting. She isn’t supposed to.
Have her wait on you at her house. My sister and I always wait on each other when we visit each other. Your mother in law is there to see your daughter. Be glad they have that time together.
And I hear you. One day she’ll be gone. And so what if she doesn’t help you would probably criticize her anyway. How do you act when you go to her house?
If you are hosting, then she is doing what she is supposed to do. But I get that you would appreciate her asking if you need help just to show you that she appreciates what you are doing.
They spoil me at my daughters in law and won’t allow me to do anything . I’m the blessed one
Technically, she’s a guest. You require your guests to help with dinner and wash dishes? I wouldn’t want to come to your house. That’s crazy. 
I cook and clean for both of my MIL’s (Bio and step) whether they’re at my house or theirs. They won’t be around forever to spend time with their grands.
I never expect my guests to clean up their dishes…I may just say dinner is ready because I don’t know how big of a serving people want but obviously I’ll clean the plates. I don’t know why you’d expect her to do it herself ?
If she lives with you that’s different since she’s not a guest & is apart of the home.
They are guests. You are the host. That’s how it works.
1 Like
We all pitch in but my mom and mother In law did there time now they can set back and enjoy
Ask her what part of dinner she would like to help with when it’s time to cook. After dinner ask her if she wants to wash or dry, scrape plates or load the dishwasher.
As much as I would like to say, get your lazy ass up and help. We cannot change other people so accept it and enjoy the evening rather than get upset
I don’t see a problem. She is a guest ,and she is spending time with the grandchild.
Guests are usuallynot responaible for those things. Would you like to go to someones house, cook your own dinner, set your own table, do your own dishes…probably not.
1 Like