Just do her hair, move past the drama, and if she’s over 14 I’d say it’s her hair, she lives with you, and hair is temporary! You could have done a temp job at home without a word and let the cards fall where they will…life is too short and it sounds like that little lady has had enough drama to last 3 lifetimes already. Step-Child, Step-Mother, Step-Sister have I been. When I lived in Dad’s house I did with my step-mom…when I lived at my Mom’s I tried to do stuff with her…been there…just be a Mom and less stress on the Step part. Don’t worry about Mom, lead with love, and you can’t go wrong.
Yeah like wtf why would you just not do it. Do her effing hair and stop perpetuating the drama. You’re not getting attitude she’s a disappointed child and she doesn’t know how to say, “I feel like my mom really fucked that up for me and you’re now upholding her power trip because of your own attitude towards my mom. Please just do my hair mom I love you.”
1 Like
If you made up your mind of not doing it anymore why are you coming here for advise? Also how old is the girl? Why not let her do whatever she wants when she’s older and can make her own decisions. Otherwise just buy her clip ins, problem solved.
You do it.You and her Dad take care of her.Her Mom is just starting trouble.Dont let her win.She will never get it done.Good luck.
It’s just hair color. It won’t last forever, especially with summer coming.
Do it.
1 Like
Die her hair. You are her mom.
You gave her the opportunity to have a say, and she insisted on a professional even though you’re capable. If she can’t pay for the professional, go back to your original plan and do it yourself! Your daughter shouldn’t be the one to suffer because her bio is being unreasonable about something so small!
2 Likes
Dye her hair yourself! Dye yours too. That will piss off her mom. Haha.
1 Like
Happy mother’s day 
I say just do it yourself.
Can’t imagine how frustrating that is for you but you guys are showing her how to deal with difficult situations
So I feel like by you getting mad that she is mad and now refuse to do it, seems like a punishment to the child. It isn’t that she wants it done professionally… she wants the experience and time to spend with you, clearly something her mother won’t take the time to do or she doesn’t feel comfortable asking for. Just be patient and do her hair with a smile, you’ll feel so good about it when you see her smile
2 Likes
Dye it. She lives with you and her dad. Her dad says do it and wants you to do it. Get temporary dye so it will wash put if she doesn’t like it. Then go permanent next time if she likes it. Mom would have more say if she wanted to help financially amd had more than visitation. I understand where mom is coming from because I would get mad if my ex amd his gf did this toy daughter, but I have custody and financially do for her. So I your circumstances you, dad, and 13 year old daughter have final say.
3 Likes
I’d probably just have a chat with mom with your daughter there so your daughter can express her wants to her mom, also you can get some hair colors that wash out in a couple of washes mum should be willing to compromise with you both on that if not I’d just do it anyway, it will wash out 
best of luck 
I do hope your daughter is able to have some pretty color put in her hair 
1 Like
If she’s primarily in your and your husbands house and you two provide for her, her father approves and she’s actively asking for it (I take away from this that she’s 13 - so old enough to make certain decisions), dye the poor girls hair.
4 Likes
You do her hair! (Or take her but since the original plan was for you to do it and the girl is fine with it) You and her dad HAVE practically raised her, you are more than a ‘stepmom’
Sounds like yall have a wonderful bond! Don’t allow her mothers drama disrupt it❤
5 Likes
My daughter lives with her dad, shes 13 her dad’s gf did her hair one day without me knowing until I got my daughter and saw her hair…she wanted it done and I stood by her with that fact Hair is hair and you can cut it or dye it its gonna grow back colors will fade. I say do her hair!!! The mom will get over it eventually.
2 Likes
I don’t mean any offence but it sounds like a little bit of an excuse to stick one to the bio mom. Maybe even a little subconsciously. It’s Clear you love your step daughter so just put her first. The mother is stuffing her around and it sounds like she has track record of not coming through when it comes to this girl. So i reckon just go for it and do it yourself.
1 Like
Just do it yourself. Forget what her mom said she is being petty
Your daughter comes first. Do what she is happy with!
2 Likes
So you’re mad at bio mom and punishing step-daughter. That’s not cool.
Also next time have husband ask her mom before you offer. That way the child is not in the middle of it and the bio parents can decide and then let daughter know before she gets her hopes up. You shouldn’t offer something unless you know both of her parents are ok with it first
1 Like
Just dye her hair. Her bio mom sounds like a jealous brat that just needs to put her seatbelt back on in the back seat
6 Likes
Think about your child for a start instead of getting all involved in the drama.
Do that girls hair or take her to the salon but if your capable id do it myself
1 Like
I think 13 is a little young
She’s Tú hija 
Your step daughter seems old enough to make her own decisions and if she wants her hair dyed then do it. My mom understood when I wanted something personally and if my stepmom did it for me it was never an issue. Like I wanted my hair cut once so my stepmom cut my hair and it was 100% fine.
Do her hair. She’s going to see which parents are the ones there for her.
You should just do it and not let her biological mom ruin this for you two any more than she already has! I’m in your same boat and although I respect that she’s the reason the child is on this earth - you and your husband are the reason that child is healthy and safe and happy - you put in the blood sweat and tears and you deserve this as much as your daughter does
Her bio mom is just wanting to feel in control if her dad has full custody I wouldn’t include bio mom in any desicion unless it were medical.
2 Likes
Just do the kids hair
Dont punish the kid cause 2 adults cant get it together!!! All I herd was I dont like I dont feel comfortable I want this…who cares what u want who cares what that mom wants u all agree it’s ok to dye her hair u all have told her it’s ok to dye her hair quit arguing semantics and get it done!!! The grown ups are being stupid and the little girl is loosing faith in all of u…get it together!!!
1 Like
Just do it. Have the fun time you originally planned.
She’s a no body, if you have raised her then you are her mum and you say what goes.
If bio-mom wants it done in a shop let her pay for it!! If your Daughter wants it done a trusts you to do it, and Dad is on board with you doing it, get the stuff and do it, sounds like bio-mom is just flexing her non-existent authority!!
Have fun with your daughter, this time flies by, though it seems to drag on!!!
3 Likes
Lady, stay on your lane. You are not her mother. Thats not your decision to make
4 Likes
Do the hair! Give that girl some pink! If she won’t pay for her to go to a shop then do it yourself, you guys will have so much fun.
I had this issue with my ex’s kids, I would paint their nails and we would have so much fun too. They would go back to their mom and she would call us freaking out…not so much that the nails were painted, but that I was the one who painted them. Even the oldest was like "mom was mad that you painted my nails, but she liked them."
In the interim maybe do koolade temporary?
Girl do that babies hair. The egg donor just making waves where they shouldn’t be none. 10 years? Yeah do that babies hair.
4 Likes
You are her mom just do it ! And make it some girl time with snacks or a game while you wait for the processing of the hair that way you guys can relive your tension with the whole situation.
Take her or you do it
Do it, her mom just saw an opportunity to come between you and your step daughter. Your husband even agrees, just do it. You are hurting her more by being childish about it.
1 Like
Honestly, it sounds like child is able to make the ultimate decision herself! I feel if she does end up being taken to the hairdresser though, it should be the biological mother paying because it was her request.
She wants you to do it. Just do it!
They have the spray that washes out
Just do it!
Although, in the future you should check with the mum first as a courtesy instead of the daughter doing it.
1 Like
Do it and get your hubby to deal with his ex. It is about the child at the end of the day.
2 Likes
She wants you to do it, bio mom said ok, husband said ok…
Just do it…make a day out of it…take her shopping for the dye…lunch…then dye hair…make up for all the drama she had to endure from bio…
Having a baby doesn’t make a patent…it’s all the rest after…your her mom
2 Likes
I just want to point out that the same way OP feels the bio mom should have discussed with the father first… is the same courtesy that should of been shown by talking to bio mom first before telling the daughter/stepdaughter that it was going to be done. 
Respect and communication between (bio) parents involved.
Just do it. the mom just want to cause drama
2 Likes
Pffft that mom doesn’t get to tell her she can’t do it
1 Like
So originally you were going to do it for her before her mom said that you can go ahead and do it but now you are refusing to do it? Why are you refusing to color your step daughter’s hair if her mom already said you can do it. Sounds like you’re dragging it out more then it needs to be. Either do it yourself or take her to have it done it’s not that hard.
1 Like
Yeah I do it. Super sweet of you to ask, but completely unnecessary
I too have raised my "stepdaughter"for 10 yrs. Biological mom is in and out of her life. I talked to my husband when our daughter wanted to dye her hair and that was it. The “mother” had no say. We sent her a picture after the fact. It was sweet to ask her. But just dye that babies hair for her. The kids are the ones that matter. The parents that put in the work day in and day out get to make those decisions… If she were a good mom and did her part then ahe should have her say in the choices…
3 Likes
She wants you to do it. Your husband says to do it. You’ve raised that girl since she was a baby. You have every right to do it and the mother can sit her unfit ass down and stay out of it. She doesn’t help or have custody so her opinion doesn’t matter from my perspective. Dye that girls hair and enjoy your bonding time💜
Just color that child’s hair. Especially if she was so excited for you to do it to begin with. Don’t make it more complex just because her mother is a ass.
Just take her! If mom can’t afford it mom shouldn’t suggest it. If moms not paying for it mom has zero say in who it’s done by
Just do her hair and ignore the mother. She is just causing drama for drama sake
Just do it… You deserve to bond with her too
Take her to hairdresser
Dye her hair, you have raised that child. The mother is just causing trouble. Life it to short for all this strife. You are more a mum to her that her blood mother.
Make her mom do it and pay for it all of it tell the dad you stepped out it’s not your problem till the step-daughter you love her dearly but it’s up to her mother and to talk to her mom
1 Like
My daughter likes putting color in her hair too so i just use the chalk hair colors. They show really well and she has dark hair. Theres also other ways to put color in a child hair without having to dye it.
Hate that the child is experiencing this and you also but just take the daughter to get her hair done or you do it. The daughter is not responsible for her mom’s action, put the child first and handle the adult stuff amongst the adults.
2 Likes
Just do it. And stop running things by bio mom, she will always start drama . 10 years, that’s your kid, you don’t need permission
2 Likes
Her mother said you could do it, but was more comfortable with her going to an actual hairstylist. I don’t see the problem… it seems like your helping to create drama by saying you won’t do it after you got the mom to say YOU can do it. Just get it done by a hairdresser as a good healthy compromise.
This also my be an unpopular opinion but… just because she is poor and only sees her child every other weekend doesn’t make her a bad parent. 
she obviously made some mistake in the past but it seems you are holding a grudge against the mom for that mistake and being poor… most fathers get every other weekend in custody agreements… are you going to judge them for that? Probably not, I wouldn’t.
The key to coparenting is communication and compromise.
Ok as I understand it ur not dying her whole head it’s just a few highlights correct? Not that it matters if u are not doing it very often. If the bio mom wants a salon 2 do it and u are trying 2 respect her wishes then I’d just pay 4 the salon 2 do it. U know she isnt or hasnt been financially responsible 4 her child so y are u even upset that U went 2 HER with an idea and now she isnt bothering 2 try 2 meet u halfway? Of course I’m that person though if I can do something myself why bother going and spending outrageous money 4 a few highlights. U have 2 options u can do it urself and a lil white lie will eventually reveal itself or u can take her 2 a salon and avoid another argument and the ucessary attitudes from everyone involved. Coparenting is hard but it sounds like u and ur husband have a good thing and level heads and the bio mom is resentful and just plain deadbeat parent. I have the right 2 say that as i had 1 in my life that just couldnt be there either.
1 Like
Whats wrong with that? As long as both parents don’t mind. I kills lice and is fun for girls. Get the wash out kind or a natural colorant, like henna
Each parent is their own child’s parent tho. Do what you feel is right.
Imo you are wrong for backing down. Her “mom” definitely seems like a control freak.
You should take her you are her mom.
I say just buy color and do it for her. You said you would do if bio- mom said and bottom line you promised so do it and make “your” daughter happy. It is about her, not her “mom’s”!
So basically u indirectly spiting her due to her mother’s attitude … even ur husband said its fine after all the shenanigans yet you still making it all about you, instead of the child
1 Like
Do it. Lifes too short to care what the mom thinks. If she was any kind of mom she would have took her to get it done instead of filling her head and then backing out. What a …! Petty at its finest. Get on with your life. If your kids happy then that all that matters. X
she LIVES with you and your husband. If her father wants you to do it, then go ahead, it is his call as far as I am concerned!
I would just take her to a salon. Not doubting your abilities, but then there’s no drama about results that can come back to you, and your bonus daughter can get some much deserved pampering.
1 Like
You should do it so y’all will have some bonding time, or book a spa day for the both of you, have her hair done, get both of your nails painted or whatever. Don’t let “mom” try and ruin the relationship between the two of you.
Remember she only has one Mom, Step mother needs to listen to her real Mom
Just do it!! If her mom isn’t helping financially I don’t think she should have any say. Do you ask the mom’s permission everytime you buy your daughter an outfit? This is a fashion trend she’ll wear for a little while & most likely outgrow. If her birth-mom doesn’t like it she will complain & have to get over it. If your daughter likes it that is all that matters!!!
1 Like
Its bloody hair, your not giving her a backyard tatoo.
It’s probably a jealousy thing from the birth mother, if “your daughter” wants you to do it, it’s because she wants that experience with you, who would you rather upset your daughter and change plans or her birth mother by going with your daughters wishes?!
You have been raising the girl for the past 10 years, she has caused all of this drama in hopes to interfere with you and the daughter. I would just do it just like you and the girl planned at home without the ex.
If her father says to do it just do it!! You have raised her basically her entire life!!! Just use this time as another bonding moment together!!
Take her. Mom will get over it. Mom was trying to make an issue and your letting her make it an issue. Do it. Or take her. Dont make the kid suffer for the adults attitudes.
1 Like
We can be there in 2.5. Hours
Just do it her mom will get over it what you do with her with her father’s permission is your business hes her father he has the final say in your home and his child with you as mom
I would go with Dads thoughts if the child is over 10 years old,she should have a say in her appearance
You have raised this child. If you and her dad are ok with something just do it. If the bio mom doesn’t like it, too bad, she gave up that right years ago.
Do her hair, sounds like she is more of your daughter anyway
Do temporary Spray on hair dye
Omg just do her hair
1 Like
Just so her hair and get the closing I will get from ur daughter. She will cherish u and u will have bond with her that her mom won’t have . I know it’s hard having her mom there . But u will be the person she will lean on when she need to talked or trust u to. Don’t break her heart because of her mom. Just make it a day spa and enjoy ur daughter before time flys away. Love her and just do it for her … not the mother
Do it. Her mother doesn’t help and just seems to talk bad about you to her. I’m in the same situation with my step daughter. She lives with us 24/7 and birth mom doesn’t help or come see her so we make the decisions without her. As far as your husband he should of told the birth mom if she cant help with anything then her approval isnt needed.
Sadly … its the kid that is in the middle. And if mom already talks all that crap and gives a hard time… sounds like no matter which way you go, she will criticize not just the hair, but you and even her daughter.
Do her hair, bond with her, tell you’re feelings (gently) about the way it all turned out but you will always be there to support her. She may be a kid, but don’t lie and try to hide reality.
And maybe look into a family therapist if you don’t have one. At least for your daughter. I feel mostly for your daughter and her mental health here. With that jealous mom… sounds like she is putting you all through it and you could all use an outlet.
I would do her hair and the hell with her other mom! Why pay for somthing u can do…
I hate to say this, but I think you need to swallow your pride and color her hair, it’s about the child.
Her mom was just jealous that the child was excited for you to do it.
1 Like
You extended courtesy to the mom. She didn’t want you to do it and won’t take her. I would just do it. Your daughter shouldn’t pay the price for her mom acting like a child over it. Your daughter obviously feels safer and more connected with you if she went to you first in the beginning. Let that little girl enjoy her childhood and don’t let it be ruined by her mother.
Quit playing in the bio mom’s game. I would do just do it, if the bio mom has anything to say then I would just ignore. Don’t play into her drama, this is for your stepdtr.
Stick with the original plan and you do it
Follow the rules of the parenting agreement of the custody papers .