Ok. I’m seeing two daughters sneaking out not just one. Both of them need to be made aware of how dangerous that is. Then they need to be shown that bad actions get bad reactions. First to go would be cell phones. No contact with outside sources. Then I would treat them like the three year olds they were acting like. I would have to know where they were at all times and that i was with them. Once that they realized that they had to regain my trust then i would let them begin to slowly regain some of their privileges back. No screaming at them or yelling at them just a matter if a fact. This is the way it’s going to be at my house. When friends came or called i would have to listen in on the phone calls or be in the room with them. Let them know your are doing this because you love them and dont want anything to happen to them.
The kids made a bad decision. Bad decisions have consequences. Definitely needs to have a conversation about things that could have happened. I did this once and can remember vividly my mom sitting me down and explaining real world things that can happen. The words “one wrong or bad decision can end up having a lifetime of consequences or can even end your life” is something I will never forget.
Maybe educated her. Obviously she felt safe to sneak out, but what if she hadn’t come back? While kids should be kids they should also know why parents have rules and boundaries that’s shouldn’t be pushed or broken. No matter the punishment she should know there is danger in the world. Have your kids learn about abductions in your city/town or near by areas. Whatever punishment you come up with won’t be nearly as eye opening, taking things away that will be given back means nothing. If you do take something away say they’ll get it back when you feel they have earned your trust back, and not “oh you’ll have it back in a week,” that has no bearing on them.
My children didn’t have to sneak out, they just had to walk out the front door. I never had a curfew either, just check in now and then to let me know you’re ok. When they were teens, not when they were younger. My son, who is 35 now, was gone for several days and my husband asked me if I’d seen him and I said " no, he’s probably just with his friend Jeremiah “. I found out years later my son and his friend were in South Carolina! They went to meet a girl, she didn’t like either of them, lol. My daughter wasn’t like that, she’s a homebody she would have rather been at home with my husband and I than sneaking out. One of my friends asked her what time her curfew was, she said " we don’t have one, mom doesn’t care when we get home.” My friend was wide eyed looked at me and said “Really?!” I just shrugged my shoulders and my daughter said " she doesn’t care what time we get home but she sleeps in until 8am and when she’s ready to clean house we better be ready to get up and help". anyway, I would take everything out of her room save her mattress a blanket and pillow let her earn everything back.
I had to do this with my daughter. I took all the electronics out of her room. She had a bed and books. She was required to be in her room at all times except for school, meals and bathroom. It was very effective.
I have four kiddos. One boy (17) and three girls (16, 14, and 13). They are not my BFFs. They know first and foremost that I am their mother. I uphold the same punishment my mother gave me for grounding. One it was for eternity (one day for every minute I was out of the house pass curfew) and the second it included the following: no going anywhere unless I was with them or school, no friends over, no phone, no TV, and no events. I have only had to use this once on one of them. The other three saw it. Guess what they don’t do.
I think having her stay home for two weeks will do it (aside from school). She could be innocent of getting into trouble. But when you are where you should not be, trouble can follow you. Time for a good lesson.
Maybe take her to a homeless shelter or crisis pregnancy center to educate her on what risky choices can lead to. Not really a punishment, but an education on poor choices. Not that kids in shelters have made poor choices, but it might make her appreciate that she has a home and a mother that works hard, cares and supports her.
My son snuck out of the house recently - more than once & not because I didn’t know. He was caught the first time by my husband who had a talk with him (regarding sex) and told my son he wouldn’t tell me (he did but I didn’t address it with my son).
Then he was caught by me. I had a talk with him and also told him there would be consequences but it took me some time to decide what they would be.
Anyway, he was grounded for 2 weeks. He was told that if he snuck out again he would loose his phone completely (not even able to use it for school) since he was sneaking out to see his girlfriend (I will allow them to see each other but her mom won’t). He hasn’t snuck out again and talks openly with me about what he wants to do and what I think about his plans.
Some of the punishments suggested by people here also sound like punishments for the parents! Doing bed checks, etc. I don’t want punishments because my daughter did something wrong! Explain to them the possible dangers of sneaking out and give them punishments that don’t include you!
Have her watch the true story of Audrie and Daisy on Netflix. Two young girls snuck out and it went bad in a hurry! Both girls have committed suicide. Audrie not long after she was raped and Daisy very recently. Such a heartbreaker but will leave an impact on her decisions. We have to teach our young women how to protect themselves. Daisy co-founded an organization called SafeBAE that has helped so many. Good luck.
We always asked our daughter what punishment she thought she deserved. She was far harsher on herself than we would have been.
I took my sons door off his bedroom. Trust is important and if I can’t trust, then your room is an open book. It was a while before he got it back. But eventually he did.
My son who is 15 asked me two weeks ago if he could sneak out with his friends. He said he really wants tontrybit but not to get in trouble. I said fine its a Rite of passage but I need to know when your going and you need to have your phone. I will wait up for you and if anything bad happens you can text me. He is not my friend I am 100% his mom but I respected the honesty lol
My daughter spent the night with her friend to go see her friends boyfriend. They ended up leaving my daughter outside for awhile in the dark and they got caught later and her friend sent my daughter home. My daughter was bawling because she said it was so scary standing outside all alone and I just had a huge talk with her and I was just glad she was home safe. She was too! My kids were never actually bad enough to punish. We were young and dumb too at one point and nobody’s perfect. I was never perfect so I just always talked to my kids about the dangers of what could happen or what could have happened. My daughter is in her 20s now and i have 2 other kids by the way. But if your to hard on them thats when they’re going to rebel.
Think about what she really enjoys and ground her…phone,TV,friends…whatever her favorite thing is…take it away for a few weeks…and a little thought…you said she’s your BFF…mini you…your primary position is parent, not friend…she will probably hate you…for awhile…she’ll get over it. She needs parents…she already has friends.
This is not really a punishment but more for your sanity…get an alarm system and be sure to set it at night when everyone is supposed to be home in bed!!
I’m shocked at how judgey this whole crowd is. What happened to being supportive parents and women? I wouldn’t say my daughter’s are my BFF, but we ARE friends. My girls are 15 and 25 and because we are “friends” they tell me all the things, ask me all the questions and respect my authority. Just like my Mom did with me. I wouldn’t know how to handle this situation as my kids are really good kids. I’d rather have a thoughtful conversation about making good choices than remove doors, violate their privacy by searching through phones, etc. And yes, teenagers deserve privacy. I trust that I have done my job and taught them how to behave. Respect and trust breeds respect and trust. Sometimes saying how disappointed I am in their decisions is enough to make my point as far as punishment. But, we actually talk to our kids and not just sit on our parental throne and dictate.
Explain your disappointment and how hurt you are that she doesn’t honor your trust in her. Then ask your daughter what the punishment should be. It she feels remorseful enough her idea of punishment should fit the crime.
First, talk with her about why she felt she HAD to go. Did they ask to go? Tell her calmly your reasons for her not to go and the fears/possible consequences of them sneaking out. Both children, it was no safer for him than it was for her.
I would take away all things important to both of them since they both snuck out. Also since they think they are grown enough they should have to split all the chores cooking, cleaning, yard work, wash dishes by hand. Also sit down with them individually and talk to them about the dangers of what could have happened. I would also make both of them be stuck to the parents like glue everywhere you go they go. No activities no friends for a month. Make them earn your trust back. Cell phones would only be allowed to use for phone calls only and in a main room of the house until trust is earned back. Just like when land line phones. If it was my child I would be in the room the entire phone conversation, and expect the phone back after call ended until the trust is earned back. I would also slowly give back thier precious belongings 1 item at a time.
Not to make light of this but I grounded my teenage daughter for life!! After a week I changed my mind!
Do NOT take away her electronics. TAKE AWAY THE CHARGER FOR THEM. Watch the fear in her eyes as the battery drains away. It worked with my kid. If the electronics are needed for school, it MUST be done in front of parent. No visitors, no visiting friends.
Maybe ask her why? Just a thought…was she with people you don’t approve of? How did you find out? Lots of questions before punishment. Maybe if you get to root cause, a solution will be clearer. Best of luck, it’s not easy raising kids.
First I would have a very serious conversation about the dangers of sneaking out . Don’t sugar coat it . Maybe show some graphic pictures of kids that have done the same thing but didn’t make it home alive or never seen again . A trip to your local police department so they can explain how dangerous it was . THEN I’d take the electronics and not let them use the landline if you have one. No friends over or going to friends house or social functions .
I really like that you didn’t jump the gun and dish out an unrealistic consequence out of anger and emotion. I am not one of these perfect moms and am probably doing it wrong, but I am close with my teens as a mother and a friend they can go to for ANYTHING without judgement. I really love the comment recommending to ask her what consequence she feels fits but more important than the consequences, I feel like a conversation about why sneaking out is an issue. How scary it is for a mother and all the dangers. Helping her understand there is a valid reason that it is not ok can at least give her the perspective that the concern is out of love for them and needing them safe and not just about control which is how every teen sees most rules …lol. Whatever you decide to do is the right choice. You know her better than anyone to know how she should be corrected. It takes a village and I hope some of the advice on this post helps but know you are doing the right thing regardless of some of these judgy moms. Parenting has no instructions. All kids are different in their personalities and needs emotionally. Your doing great, don’t question yourself! Good luck!
I feel like telling me kids how disappointing their actions were is enough sometimes. Mine aren’t that old yet. But my sons face just drops and his whole mood is ruined when I say something he’s done is disappointing, and I had thought I raised him better. But besides that my brother used to try to sneak out as teenagers and my mother put alarms on all the doors and windows she’d turn them on at night and made him think there was a code to turn them off (it was just a switch).
My son did that. I took everything but his bed and clothes from him for a month. He hasn’t done it since.
At 13 that’s a huge safety risk- sex trafficking, abduction and co vid- I think the punishment should be one that sticks- electronics and no social life or phone use. Biggest thing is we love our kids so much -but we are their parents , not their bffs.
My oldest son snuck out a few times he was caught every time and yes he was punished each time grounded electronics taken away no after school activities etc he ended up spending his 18 thru 30th birthdays in prison take her to your local jail let them explain consequences
My sister did that as a teenager and my dad had someone come out and put storm windows on all the windows and they were bolted. Thank God there was never a fire but she didn’t get out another window!
Sometimes you don’t get a teachable moment some people have to find out by going the long way around the block. It’s all part of growing up
I found it helpful (years ago) to let the child know that I was aware of the act. Then I would start the "If you were the mom (or dad) and were trying to do the right thing thing, what would you do?? If the answers you get are not sincere do what needs to be done. Actions have consequences. If you don’t stop it now, it won’t stop.
No phone, no social life, no computer unless for school work which should be done in a room where you can see no social media happening. Extra chores around the house. Make life unpleasant in a way that a lesson will be learned.
This world is crazy and often scary nowadays. Sneaking out at night is not ok.
Yes, I raised two who are now 25 and 28. Been there done that in the punishment department.
She can be your bff later. Right now you have to be her parent. She has to know that sneaking out can lead to all kinds of trouble. Car accident, kidnapping, etc… What is important to her? Her phone? Take that away for at least 3 days. She can’t use it at all. She can’t use your phone or anyone in the houses phone either. If she sneaks out again, take the phone away and something else that is important to her. Good luck. Teens are hard, but stay consistent and don’t let guilt get in the way of teaching her life lessons.
Just make sure she cares 100 percent for the baby she spits out in the not so far future if you don’t get consequences across to her. Actions always have consequences
I was fortunate I never had to sneak out all had to do was wake my mom up and ask/ tell her where I was going
All electronics taken away, except for school related activities, no friends, extra chores, no allowance for two weeks. That’s what I do to my kids for less.
Well when trying to figure out what punishment is the best way to go think about this , what’s harshest than death, human trafficking or something like that? Because not making your child/children understand the dangers of sneaking out of the house in these times could very well have life altering or life ending consequences.
Take her phone, ipod, game system, anything that she values and lives for away from her for a month or so.
My 13 year old snuck out with friends and i got a phone call at midnight from a state trooper to pick him up his playstation was taken phone was taken at night and my house was never cleaner then it was for 2 weeks. I get kids are kids but they also ha e to have consequences he is one that does not get in trouble often he made a mistake but learned from it
Most of the responses indicate no punishment.i saw one where she said you have to do the dishes and take out the garbage.these things are not punishment .if your kids don’t have to do these things they are pure brats and your a unfit parent…why would a 12 year old have free access to a phone and a computer to start with.wake up parents .a old fashion ass whooping does wonders.
I always asked my son how he would handle it if our rolls were reversed and ‘I don’t know’ is not an acceptable answer.
Well if my 11 and 12 year tried to sneak out I know what what work best 4 them taking away electronics that would basically be worse than death lol so u need to think about your child and think about what punishment would work best 4 that particular child but what works 4 one kid does not neccesarily work 4 another
I never snuck out. However I was never on time for curfew. I was mouthy and loud and obnoxious. I lied and hung out with people I shouldn’t have. I thought of sneaking out but my mom would have heard me if I did. Loud vehicles in a country house wakes everyone up. Just not something I ever did. One thing my mom did was made me watch movies like taken, or she would tell me horror stories of how this girl was kidnapped killed etc etc and yeah. Scared me enough that I was paranoid of who I was out with and I was cautious because I had seriously bad luck and I did not ever want that to happen to me. People are crazy and it’s way worse now than before! She made us call with who and where and when and what time. It was SO ANNOYING but then if we didn’t make curfew or call it was non stop lecture lecture lecture and most of the time it was NOT worth missing curfew because we would hear about it for days! So I guess her strategy worked?!
Sit her down and explain things that could happen to her. Have a member of the police department tell her the dangers of sneaking out and what could happen. Ground her for 2 weeks of outside visits to friends
Erm, lets see. I think you should over react. When your little BFF runs off what are you going to do? Have you been paying attention to what is going on these days. If they will do it once, they will do it again.
I dont understand you mention the 13 year old but not the 15 year old…But both sneaked out???and Melissa is right…You need to be her mother not her best friend…Best friend comes after they are independent and adult…and Scott-Sheila said take away what is important to her…It is hard when you ground because you are also dealing with the pouting etc, but if you ground make it long enough to make an impact but not so long as to be foolish. AND last but certainly not least, do not give in early for anything…I never hit my children, BUT I knew how to ground and how to stick with it. My one son who is a best friend now says…He remembers when I would send him to MY room…Most boring room of the house… He laughs about it today, and so do I… (I got tired of unloading all his stuff). My room had nothing of interest and the TV wasnt allowed to be on…lol
They have broken your trust so I would put contact alarms on the outside of all doors and windows. They would call whenever the arrived at any destination etc… For 1 month as an illustration that trust is a privalage not a right and it has to be earned
How about washing all windows inside and out? Really want the windows to sparkle for her if she wants to climb out again!
I’m taking a guess that the pandemic is still going on. If so - do they realize the consequence of their actions. Teens and college kids getting together, drinking, hanging out are catching COVID. They can bring it home, and potentially kill a family member whose immune system is compromised. Likewise, a vulnerable grandparent. Yes, whether we like it or not, most kids do it. I agree with everyone’s thoughts on consequences and trust. Kids - this is not time - you could really kill someone you love.
WoW it’s 2020! How does ANYONE just “sneak” out of their house? Doesn’t everyone use alarm/security systems? Jeez if you sleep that soundly imagine who could get IN!! And don’t these kids know about the lunatics in the world? Oh Momma hell yes I’d have an immediate reaction and it would not be my knees! 13? Sneaking out?!? Nope!
During times of covid, she shouldn’t be going anywhere or having anyone over anyway. Make Her do all the dishes for a month lol
I’d ask why she snuck out instead of asking. What did
They do at house? Who picked her up and transported her?
Did you know she snuck out right off the bat or
The next morning
How about someone with ecperience with this situation answering her
To start with- yes a conversation with scary facts: rape- murder- kidnap- trafficking- this is a reality
Out at night: at 13 brings trouble. No good happens at night.
Fact: every time you do not know where your children are - they are considered missing. Tell her she will be reported every time- she will get the tickets and she will end up in front of the judge
Scare her straight now
Take her cell phone away and if you can get an alarm for your house.
We called it being grounded No friends no going out home like house arrest maybe 2 weeks with more if ti me if happens again
However long they were out (10-3 ) take all electronics daily during those hours. Whatever day it was on no electronics while day. Do this for 6 months.
Give me a break if the 13 year old wants to be best friends with the mom how is that anyone elses business its not like shes forcing it
I got caught sneaking out once the police officer at my house and my dad breaking down in tears was enough to make me think twice next time
What was going on at the house they went to. Why didn’t she ask to go? Because whatever was going on you wouldn’t approve. Let’s start there.
Does she have a cell phone? Gone! Temporarily of course.
What about the 15yr old never said how she was punished.
Ground them for at least two weeks! No hanging out with friends, video games, etc. And let them know that if it happens again, the punishment will be worse!
Whoop her ass! That’s what I got as a teen and guess what, I only did it once. Teens need structure and guidance. They don’t know how dangerous the world can be.
You said your two teens? So that means they BOTH need to be punished if they both snuck out!
Don’t have cleaning as a punishment, that’ll only make her despise cleaning anything in the long run. Id say just grou d her for like…a week maybe. Make sure to sit down and explain the dangers of doing so.
We made our kids write an essay why they did it and why they won’t do again. They hated this with a passion! They were surely not going to test us again hopefully!!
When you were a teen, there wasn’t the problem of human trafficking as there is today. There could have been some horrendous repercussions. Do your kids have cell phones? Confiscated them! If you feel generous enough to give them back, monitor all calls and messages… Are they in school? Make arrangements to follow them, each on alternating days for a couple of weeks. Sadly, that’s how so many children are taken
They’re patterns are watched. Do they wear designer clothes? Down grade a bit. If your kids want to go somewhere go with them.
Crawl in bed with them and say if someone is going we are all going… say goodnight and turn off the lights
I would want to know why they felt like they couldn’t ask permission to go?
Nail one foot to the floor and let them run in circles. (Sarcasm)
I’m not tasing the hundreds of comments but I’ve 13 yr old the only one in trouble?
Aww, so sorry for you because it’s hard. Take away phone’s if they have them I also took off my children’s bedroom doors. Because then they had no privacy and they couldn’t sneak out without me hearing them. I grounded them for two weeks also.
what did your parents do when u messed up? did it work?
Snuck out the window? Clean all the windows, inside and out. No game out food for 2 weeks.
Take away any electronics, no going to friends houses or no friends coming over…
What is her favorite thing to do or use? … take that away
Punish them but your daughter should never be your friend
You need to look at it this way.theres to many child molester out in this world now.
no electronics cell phone, computer, etc. no friends over. she goes everywhere you do. extra chores.
She could get taken into sex trafficing
I’m not your friend I’m your mother. Can’t be friends!!!
My daughter use to sneak out of the house in the middle of the night, i had her go to counseling and the counselor said screw the screens into the borders of the windows. It worked.
Dude low jack her and randomly force her to leave her kickbacks oh that sounds horrible
Take the phone for a week. Works like a charm
Wash dishes by hand for month
Take away their cell phones…
Take away what means the most and stick to it
Yeah this really isn’t that big of a deal and a first and talk are close. I wouldn’t go with any major punishment right now. It I would tell her she has to do more chores and have a long terrrifying talk about what could happen and how you wouldn’t really be able to help or find her because of her actions. Time to have that talk about what exactly she is risking by doing that. A lot of the suggested punishments are very abusive. My family did some and well. I’m done with them. Sorry humiliation won’t work. It will only give her more reasons to do it. And I’m the step son needs equal punishment. Same thing. If the punishment had to be gendered then you are doing it wrong
My 16 almost 17 yr old just got his first actual punishment, EVER!. Great kid, honor roll. He holds “office” on his school bass team. He works. He paid for his own vehicle, gas and insurance. He also has his own bass boat. We agreed on curfew of 1130. After a few texts, me dozing off and waking up at 2 am and he still wasn’t home. I grounded him from doing everything except going to work. And he had to install an app on his phone to tell me his location (also tells me his speed, when his battery is low). That was for a week. He is a charmer and I almost gave in bc he never gets in trouble. He still has the app and if his phone battery “dies” he will get grounded again, but his curfew is earlier.
We called it the chain gang in my house. Everywhere I went and everything I did she was right there with me no matter what it was. After 48 hours of grocery shopping, pap smear, sharing the bathroom etc she was over it and I never had that problem again.
I’m not ashamed to admit my children are absolutely my best friends and we were very close when they were growing up!
I was 21 when I had my son and 27 with my daughter and trust me we had our moments but I never had to ground my children not once!
My children and I did a lot together and we’re extremely close even to this day!
My children and I were a strong team and we were proud of our little family!
I was more like their older sister and was honest with my children and many people thought we were siblings because we got along so well!
It wasn’t ever a big deal or awkward to hang out and go places together even when they were teens! They had friends and sometimes I’d go hang out with all of them too because we got along!
I gave my children space to be themselves but they always knew I was there for them!
We always considered one another best friends and we helped each other during any difficult times and enjoyed the beautiful moments!
We talk every day even now as they’re both married and grown up!
We always find time to just hang out together and being their mom has been one of the most precious and best experiences of my life!
There’s a balance children need in life but don’t ever let anyone tell you don’t be your child’s friend be only their parent!
Being a parent is important but being a friend to your child is important too!
Listen to them, talk with them not at them, be open minded remember it’s their life they’re trying to figure out not yours, trust them and be patient when they may test their boundaries or even try pushing you away!
Support and give them the right to make mistakes, comfort them, guide them, and most of all love them with everything you have because being a parent is the most amazing experience anyone could ever be so blessed to have in their life!
There isn’t a day I don’t tell my children I love them and to check to make sure they’re doing alright!
Children even when they become adults still need to know their parent is there even if it’s just as a friend to lean on!
Explain to your children the dangers of sneaking out and not knowing where they were so that they can make better decisions!
Children will do all kinds of things and it’s not easy being a parent but we were kids once so seriously remember that part of your life and what did you learn from your own parents mistakes or achievements raising you!You can help your children by letting them know you’re there and talk to them with any of your concerns don’t be afraid to communicate with each other because that’s very important and if they know you’re there supporting them they will want to respect you more and will hopefully chose to make better decisions!
Every child is different but love and patience is something every child wants and deserves no matter what they may do or decide whether it’s out of peer pressure or curiosity be there to ask questions and get things sorted out and no matter what your child/children will know you’ll be there for them!
OMFG…How stupid can you be—YOU are the parent,stop trying to be her BFF…Ground her,make her life miserable,teach her there are RULES and unacceptable behavior will not be tolerated…Otherwise you will be in for more trouble than you can imagine…
Early bedtime and take away electronics for a week.
Take a belt to that ass.
You are her parent…
Problem #1 is you are her mother not her BFF. Problem #2 is you are not her BFF, you are her mother.
Take her phone AWAY!!!
take away their social media